The Roast of #

The following is an excerpt from the Roast of #, aka Hashtag, aka Number Sign, who has made a come back in popularity due to Twitter updates. 

! - Listen #, this sudden rise is suspect. You went from being an automated phone message button to the hottest symbol in new media? We're not buying the fact that this was organic.

@ - Yah, it’s like, having no presence on the Web and and then skipping straight to the new best thing (I’m talking to you Williams-Sonoma). 

$ - Look, #. First of all, what kind of name is that? What are you, like, a weed head. What are you, like, like, going to Amsterdam this weekend? LOL. Alright, man, it’s like this. Every dog has its day. And those poor worker bees on Main Street love an underdog.

% - There is a statistical significance between the rise of # and the rise of peer networking and open source media as stated in Psychology Today’s technical insert issue this past…

$ - Shut up, NERD!!

! - Damn, I used to be useful. In speech, literature, the web.:(

& - Oh, dearest !, I’m sorry to tell you, but you were quite overused in all three. A correctly used ampersand is so hard to find these days. Thank goodness for law offices. 

* - Only you would like attorneys, &. 

& - Some of them are quite intelligent and ethical. 

( ) - We’ll show you ethical. OK, what do you get when you add - + =? Backspace, baby! You can back that space up here anytime…

! - Shut up Winkelvoss twins. You are disgusting. And if people just said what they meant, we wouldn’t have such a need for ( ) anyway.

( ) - What! Dude, we are totally like, used a lot, like in books, and in, you know, like, papers-n-shit. Don’t insult our family. Don’t make us get our cousins, “”. We will kick-your-ass. Even “” get used more than you (hello, air quotes?). Why don’t you go after *. If people weren’t such liars and cheaters, we wouldn’t even need him. 

* - Hey! It’s not my fault I am so good at describing big pharma and Mark Maguire in a single symbol. I am like, the Prince of Qwerty, bitches. 

~ ` - ¿Por qué no podemos llevarnos bien todos?

$ - Zip it, Senor frogs! Uh, I need 2 questions marks to explain what I am saying because I am from another country and I am so cool.

 

^ - Je ne savais pas l'argent discrimination? Vous êtes si provinciaux. Tetas Waal calle. 

$ - Whatever, man, no one even knows who you are, ^! You’re like, number 6’s dunce cap. 

@ - Alright, listen up you old timers. I’m the only one who really understands what # has just been through. From barely being used at all to a sudden rise to fame….parties, famous love interests, my name in bright, cool fonts…Let me give you some advice, #. Someday, you will become a commodity. People will just expect you to be there and no one will think you are exciting and new anymore. Just don’t pull an MC Hammer. As much as I hate to say this, get together with $ and make a plan for your future. Because in this brave new media world, you may not have one. 

Escape.

Dissapointed by Coverage of bin Laden's Death?

As a New Yorker, I should take this personally. But I don't.

The..."death" of Osama bin Laden--I am desperately seeking objective news coverage on this..."occurrence."

See, I don't even know what words to use to describe what happened. "Death" is so passive. As an English major who was taught that better grammar includes careful attention to word choice, I might be more apt to describe this as an "assassination," the verb form defined here by the American Heritage Dictionary:

Assassinate: To murder (a prominent person) by surprise attack, as for political reasons.

Interestingly enough, as I looked up the origins and etymology of the word assassination, I found that it has been done since what seems like the beginning of time, but Shakespeare appears to be the first to use the word in recorded literature (Macbeth). It appears to be of Arabic origin (and shares roots with the word hashish). A group active between the 8th and 14th centuries are reported to have killed members of the Muslim and Christian elite for political and religious reasons. (All sourced from Wikipedia...yes, I know.)

But the entry continues to describe what is called "targeted killing" and differentiates this from "assassination."

"Targeted killing is the deliberate, specific targeting and killing, by a government or its agents, of a civilian or of an "unlawful combatant" (ie one taking a direct part in hostilities in the context of an armed conflict) who is not in that government's custody. The target is generally a person accused of taking part in or supporting armed conflict or terrorism, whether by bearing arms or otherwise, and of thereby losing rights and protections such as those of the Geneva Conventions."

So those individuals identified in targeted killings are believed to have lost some of their rights under the Geneva Convention because they are participating in armed conflict. And bin Laden seems to fall into this category, making the killing appear legal.

There seems to be no official definition of targeted killing and several legal scholars have lent their points of view and academic expertise to the ongoing dialog. Some feel targeted killing is a way around calling killings "murder," and believe targeted killings are too politically motivated. But most seem to agree that there may be a place for targeted killing under international law. Either way, the news media did not seem to use this language to describe the military action that killed bin Laden. I had to find all this on Wikipedia. I mean really.

OK, maybe I should up the level of my reading list. But seriously, I watch all the major news channels and read the news from a variety of sources online and in paper (AP, Wired Magazine, CNN, Fox, NY Times). Much of the media, including the NY Times, Jon Stewart, and Saturday Night Live (yes, I consider Stewart and SNL news sources...loosely) are covering the story from a personal angle. I want the news first. The opinions can come later. Or in your Op-Ed section, thank you. I don't want to know how you just missed the interview of a lifetime when you bumped into bin Landen 15 years ago (John F. Burns in the NYT Week in Review section this past Sunday). I don't need to hear your super-happy-that-he-is-dead id Freuded-out in the first show since bin Laden was killed (Jon Stewart's Monday after episode).

I want the news. Just the news.



Do I think it is sad that we need to kill people? Yes. Do I think this operation was necessary given we are at war with an oft intangible terrorism and bin Laden is the man who offered his face and voice to this shadowy rebellion against Western ideals. Yes, again. But I think the children said it best in this "kids reacting" video (though they were likley prompted a bit)--It is confusing. It is confusing to be human and rejoice at the killing of another human. But sometimes the many outweigh the one.


What happened to bin Laden ? Did he really have a justified point of view? Where his actions logical based on his view? Was he crazy and/or narcissistic? Was there ever a time he was "normal"?

I suppose we will never truly know. And perhaps it is better this way.

What Does One Do When a Kardashian Moves Into the Neighborhood?

Well, if you live in NYC, not much.

Sometimes, a new game moves into your space. A brighter one. A louder one. A brand that has built up a fast following on Twitter or constant coverage in industry rags. How do you compete?

1. Throw your 2 cents in the ring
2. Engage the other neighbors
3. Stay the course 
4. Approach the new kid on the block 

Throw your 2 cents in
Tell us how you really feel. You may not have a high opinion of the matter, but letting your audience know (in an appropriate tone) will help keep you relevant.

Example: Don't judge me, but I actually like the Kardashians.

Engage others in your space 
If there is some new noise taking away your customers or fans, now might be a good time to ring  up (ok, text, Facebook or email up) your competition and plan a friendly/frenem-ly round table discussion. Strength in numbers.

Example: I brought up the Kardashian sighting at Chambers St Wines tonight and I've never heard Tribeca patrons more chatty so close to closing time, "Did you say Kardashian? Where? They live here now?" Quick--grab me that bottle of Rioja!

Stay the course 
I think the questions are, how long will that brand stay and how committed are you to the space? The answers should drive your strategy. If you have been a player for a decade now and plan to stay on in the foreseeable future, then drive this point home with campaigns around pillars like expert, committed and experienced. If you are just a one hit wonder too, then why throw rocks from glass houses?

Example: Tribeca will still be a quiet but cool neighborhood. Come Kim, Kourtney or Khloe (hmm, maybe remove the quiet if Kim). After the initial chatter at the wine shop, I was left with these parting words from a neighbor, "If they wanted attention, they've come to the wrong place."

Approach the new kids
If all else fails, approach this potentially reproachable company/band/charity. After 5 minutes of conversation, you should know whether your trip yielded a new business/creative partner or a few more degrees of hatred on your competitive analysis matrix.

Example: Kourtney, I know Scott is the father of little Mason (who looks so adorable by the way when your buff bodyguard takes him out of that little car seat in the back of your black Expedition parked on West Broadway as scores of faux paparazzi flash their bulbs), but those pastel sweaters only make him look more like the guy we love to hate.

If none of this advice works, you can always hire your own paparazzi to follow you around. Just try and make sure they don't come out of the same town car you rode in on.

"Five Things 'Jersey Shore' Taught My Agency About Social Media" or Titles That Catch My Eye

A simple way to get your blog, Facebook campaign or other marketing initiative noticed is to barnacle yourself to a piece of popular web chatter. For example, when the iPad came out, all you had to do was write the word "iPad" in the body of your blog copy 700 times to increase your visibility. Of course, you and everyone else. But you get the idea.

Here's an example from an Advertising Age article clearly piggybacking on the Jersey Shore buzz: "Five Things 'Jersey Shore' Taught My Agency About Social Media." Follow me here...It was written by Ilya Vedrashko, the VP of research and development for Interpublic Group, the agency that launched a "stealth social-media experiment" called Jerzify Yourself, a popular Facebook app that allowed users to tweak images of themselves (orange spray tans, poofy hair and six pack abs)--Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

If you are feeling brave, here's what Ilya learned: "Shared links have a longer shelf life on Facebook than Twitter, and Buzzfeed sends more traffic through re-shares than direct clicks." Or you may just want to take the easy way out: Jerzify Yourself.

Blunder Tip #7 How To Get Thrown Outta a Baseball Game or How I Learned from Don Mattingly's Mistakes

As a professional, it's tough to admit a blunder. Yesterday, Major League Baseball saw 7 people ejected from games. And of all of them, one qualified as a major "blunder" here in NY. A mistake defined as "dropping the ball," "clumsy," "impulsive," "caused by oversight or time constraints," that likely could have been avoided. And of all people to blunder to the mound twice...Mattingly?

The reason I point him out, besides the fact that Mattingly, former Yankee captain, stumbled into my news space twice today, is because this man is known as a consummate professional in his field (his nickname is "Donnie Baseball" after all). We just don't expect blunders from thoughtful leaders.

So where did this guy enter my news radar today? This past weekend, the NY Times featured an article about abrasive leaders (Steinbrenner: The Boss Unbound) which I got around to reading this morning, and later today, ESPN SportsCenter reported on the top ten best ejections from a baseball game (awesome montage BTW if you can find the video) based on yesterday's events--Los Angeles manager Joe Torre was ejected from a Giants-Dodgers game. Subsequently, Don Mattingly, serving as "acting manager," managed to get his pitcher removed from the game due to a violation of rule 8.06 (that may have been misinterpreted by umpires), identified as 2 trips to the pitchers mound (you are only allowed 1). The blunder, on the heels of a comeback by the Dodgers, may have resulted in a 7-5 loss.

Don Mattingly is The Guy. The one you expect to get it done--if "it" means winning games without winning championships. No one thinks it is Don's fault though. Which brings me to George Steinbrenner - Yankees owner who passed away last week. The NY times article does a great job of discussing what it takes top be a leader..."recent research on status and power suggests that brashness, entitlement and ego are essential components for any competent leader, the precursor to ascent and its spoils; they are the traits that provide the seedbed for risk-taking..." which seems to indicate George was doing the right thing to get ahead. Only problem? They did not win championships though they were stacked with talent (e.g., Donnie Baseball).

So what makes a good leader? Donnie Baseball? The contemplative Barack Obama (The Calm, Cool and Collected President)? Or the brash Steinbrenner, Glenn Beck-types?

Guess we will have to wait til Mattingly wins the World Series or Obama gets re-elected. Whichever comes first.

Facebook Group vs. Page

With all the changes Facebook continues to implement, thought this write up on the differences between Facebook Groups and Facebook Pages might be useful. Bottom line? If you are a brand, go with Pages. If you are a family reunion, go with Groups--Groups have more privacy controls. One change I won't miss? Last call for Facebook gifts.

Words That Should Be Banned

Lake Superior State has put out a list of words they feel should be banned from use in the English language. It's cute, and of course, many of us are sick of words like "tweet". But putting out a good list can be a good way to pick up some publicity. And it can be fairly simple to produce.

Check it out here.